Recovery (A Long and Winding Road)
by Brentinator
Summary: Post-Endgame. They had won. And now comes the harder part. Coping with the loss. T for swearing
1. Denial and Isolation

**THIS IS POST-ENDGAME IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE AND DON'T WANT SPOILERS TURN BACK NOW!**

**This is my post-Endgame series! I will be doing several one shots connected to this but this is the first book, and it is five chapters! Tune in tomorrow for chapter two! This book covers the five stages of grief explained by a website, so if I get something wrong, please kindly tell me in the comments or via PM**

**And now, on with the story!**

'We push away what we can never understand, we push away the unimaginable.'

It's Quiet Uptown by Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton

May walked up to the guest room of the cabin where she and Peter were staying with Pepper and Morgan and knocked on the door.

"Peter? It's May, kiddo. Happy made burgers."

"I'm not hungry right now." Peter responded through the closed door, and usually May would push further, but the funeral service had just ended a few hours ago, and she figured that it wasn't a good idea to continue pressing.

So, she nodded, even though he couldn't see her through the closed door. "Alright. We'll save you some in case you get hungry later." She offered, but Peter didn't respond, so she went back downstairs.

"Petey's not coming?" Morgan asked as Pepper put her plate and drink down in front of her daughter.

"He's not hungry right now, sweetheart." May smiled softly at the five year old girl. "He'll be down soon."

Morgan nodded, and started eating her burger, while May went to make Peter a plate.

"Is he really okay?" Happy asked in a whisper, not trying to disturb Pepper or Morgan.

"I don't think any of us are okay right now, Happy. Peter's gone through this four times now." The brunette sighed, putting foil over the plate and putting it in the fridge.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" He offered, but she shook her head as she grabbed a burger and set it on her plate.

"I'll talk to him tonight. But thank you."

"Anytime, Ms. Parker."

•••••••••••••••••••••

"Peter, Morgan wants to say goodnight to you." May's voice broke through the defining silence that was his own thoughts

Peter opened the door, and plastered a fake smile at the four year old in front of him, hugging her tightly.

"Good night, Petey. I love you."

"I love you too, Morgan." He smiled, gently coaxing her to her room where Pepper was waiting for her while May entered their shared room.

"Still not hungry?"

"Not really. I'm just texting Ned." Peter insisted, waving his phone screen so she could see, and that's when she saw the name at the top of the screen.

Mr. Stark.

"Honey, come sit with me on the bed, alright?" She insisted, sitting down and tapping the space beside her, which he did sit in. "You do realize you're texting Tony's number, right?"

"N-no, I'm texting Ned."

"Last I checked, Ned's last name wasn't Stark." May spoke in a hushed voice, trying not to set off her nephew.

"Okay, I am texting Mr. Stark...I guess I just thought he would respond." Peter sighed, tossing his phone onto the fold-out couch, letting his shoulders slump. "I just wanna talk to him one more time."

May wrapped her arm around his shoulders, feeling them shake slightly, and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. "I know, baby. I know."

"W-why did he..." The teen trailed off, a sob sounding in his throat as his dark brown eyes became watery. "I-I mean, d-did he h-have..."

May turned so she was facing him, and gently put his head against her shoulder, letting out a long 'shhhhhhh' while feeling his body shake against hers, and her shirt get wet. She pressed another kiss against his head, gently running her hand through his curly hair, and looked up at the ceiling, letting in a shaky inhale.

She knew he was just trying to push it away, and pretend everything was alright. She had done the same thing just two years ago. They both had.


	2. Anger

'I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread, I wanna start this over again.'

How Could This Happen to Me by Simple Plan

It had been two weeks since the funeral. Peter had started going to school again, and it made May happy to see Peter going back into routine. He hasn't picked up Spider-Man again, but baby steps. He was taking baby steps.

That being said, when Peter came back that first Friday, depositing his report card on the counter, and grabbed a glass of water, she was more fixed on the dark circles under his eyes and the red around them then their conversation. He had definitely cried that day.

As soon as he went up the stairs, she opened his report card, and read off the the grades under her breath. History was a A+, English was a A+, Spanish was a A+. 'That was normal.' She smiled, but as she got down, she sighed. Of course his pre-calculus and chemistry were in the B's. The two subjects he had gotten help with at the compound.

She knew that she shouldn't push him. When Ben died, his grades completely plunged into the D's cause he was usually the one who helped him with his homework. She eventually was able to help him with some of it, and then Tony stepped in, and Peter started taking his homework with him there.

She really didn't want to have a talk of "honey, you need to work on this", after all, every kid gets B's...But not Peter. This wasn't Peter. She was gonna have to talk to him. This was not gonna go well.

••••••••••••••

She smiled as her nephew descend down the stairs while she was paying the Postmates for the Thai takeout.

When he left, she and Peter went to the couch, opening the boxes while she turned on a rerun of Parks and Recreation. Their normal Friday routine.

"How was school, kiddo?" May asked, trying to ease her way into the talk about the grades, hoping he would admit to the classes kicking his butt.

"It went well." Peter spoke, shoveling food into his mouth, and May couldn't help but sigh, which concerned her nephew. "Is something wrong?"

'Now or never.' May thought, taking a deep breath. "I know about the grades. You're getting B's in chemistry and pre calculus. Honey, you don't get B's."

"Do we have to talk about this?" He asked, the slightest sound of anger lacing his voice.

"Yes, Peter. We have to talk about this. You're my nephew, and I'm worried about you."

"Why? Cause it's been two weeks?" Peter replied bitterly, slamming the box on the table before standing up. "Cause you just want everything to go back to normal? It's not gonna go back to fucking normal! I'm overwhelmed, and tired of everyone asking if I'm okay! I'm not okay! Who the hell is gonna be okay?!"

"Peter, you need to calm down. We can talk about this without you yelling." May insisted, gently putting her hands around his wrists, seeing that his hands were already balled into fists. "You're gonna sit down, and you are not going to hit me, or anything in this room. Okay?"

Peter nodded, the anger disappearing from his face, and the tears starting to fill his eyes as he sat back down, unclenching his fists while she gently put her hand on his shoulder, wiping away the first few tears with her thumb.

"I-I just want everything to stop..."

"I know. I know." May offered, moving her hand from his cheek to run her fingers through his curly hair. "I know."


	3. Bargaining

'How can you know it if you don't even try?'

What If by Coldplay

A month after the funeral, and Peter was at Ned's house for a sleepover.

The plan was simple. Order pizza, watch some Star Wars, and prepare for their next decathalon meet the following Saturday.

Ned was going through his set of flashcards MJ had made and looking over the questions he was gonna ask Peter, but when he looked up, Peter seemed to be lost in thought, staring out the window.

"Peter? You in there?" He asked, and Peter nodded, offering him a grin.

"Yeah. Just got distracted."

"What are you thinking about?" Ned asked curiously, and the grin turned to a look of seriousness.

"What if we went back and convinced someone else to snap? Or, went back and killed Thanos? Before he did anything?" Peter rambled, putting the flashcards down. "What if we brought him back? We have enough particles to try as many times as we need too."

"I thought they said you couldn't bring back a permanent death." Ned tried to reason, but Peter wasn't having it as he continued to ramble.

"But what if it wasn't permanent? We have time travel, Ned. Nothing is permanent with time travel. You can just go back and redo it till you get it right."

"Peter, he can't come back. If he could, they would've brought him back by now. And if he comes back, then we are right back to dealing with Thanos, cause he is the only one who can defeat him." He's put his hands on his friend's shoulders, trying to bring him back to reality. "He's not coming back."

"H-he has to come back, Ned. He's got a w-wife, and a d-daughter...they need him...I-I need him." He admitted, a sob tearing through his throat as he put his head in his hands.

Ned sighed, and moved from his spot on the floor to where Peter was, and wrapped a arm around him, gently squeezing his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay. It's gonna work out. It always does."


	4. Depression

'Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside, these tears, they tell their own story.'

Lay me down by Sam Smith and John Legend

A month and a half after the funeral, and Peter was back at the cabin where it took place.

He was babysitting Morgan for Pepper while she attended a few meetings, and he didn't know her that well, but she was just like Tony. The eyes, the hair, even some of her mannerisms were like him. But her personality was all her own.

"Daddy likes the orange ones." Morgan smiled as Peter pulled out a tray of orange juice pops out of the freezer. "He says they taste the best. I like the cherry ones though."

"Then why did you ask me to get the orange ones?" He asked playfully, pulling one out and handing it to her.

"Cause we ran out of cherry." She responded before putting it in her mouth. "And it makes me think about him."

Peter nodded, swallowing back a sob as he put them back in the freezer, and she looked at him with a confused face as he pulled a granola bar out of his pocket.

"You know, it's okay if you have one. I won't be mad"

"I gotta eat this before it goes bad. You know my aunt would be mad if I got food poisoning." He insisted, taking a bite of the granola bar, unable to pull away from looking the four year old in the eyes.

Cause those were Tony's eyes.

She pushed her stool up to the sink and washed her hands and face, before taking Peter's hand and leading him outside.

"I wanna show you something."

He followed her lead, and had to shield his eyes from the sunlight, before following her to a tent under a tree. She waved him in, and he had no choice but to duck and follow her inside.

She had seemingly decorated it with pillows on the floor and little boxes she clearly used to put up her drawings, and while he was admiring her drawing of Captain America, he felt a tap on his shoulder and saw her wearing one of the many Iron Man head pieces.

"Daddy doesn't like when I go in the garage, but Uncle Happy let me go in, and I took this. You know that this was his very first mask? Like, when he made the suit? He doesn't like keeping old stuff, but Mommy does." She put it on her head and kept talking. "All the heads are disconnected from FRIDAY, but it's cool still." She pulled it off, and offered it to him, with those big brown eyes. "Do you wanna put it on?"

"I'm okay, Morgan. But thank you." Peter smiled, swallowing back another sob, knowing just how much this kid was just like him. The mask even looked right on her tiny body. Big, yes, but it worked.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Morgan squeezing him around the stomach, and placing the Iron Man mask in his lap.

"You know, Daddy wouldn't want us to be sad. He also would probably like it better if you had that mask. It's gonna be okay, though." She insisted, letting him go. "And it's okay to cry. Mommy says that's normal. Mommy and I both cried after I hugged you that night. I asked her for a story, and Daddy would always say "once upon a time, they all went to sleep, the end" and I would always tell him that's a horrible story, and he would say "that's your favorite story" , but when I asked her, she started to say it, and just started crying and hugged me. Then I started crying. But I know that wherever he is, that he is watching us, and still loves us."

Peter smiled, feeling his walls starting to break as he hugged the little girl tightly, and looked up at the top of the tent, hoping that she was right, and that he was looking at him right there.


	5. Acceptance

'Carry on, give me all the strength I need to carry on.'

See You Again by Charlie Puth (no rap version)

Two months later, and Peter had just completed his first patrol as Spider-Man since he got beamed up in a spaceship.

It was pretty standard. A few robberies, a mugging, and he was even able to stop by Delmar's before.

Now, he was crouched down in the grass of a cemetery, which sounds really creepy since it was getting dark, eating a churro and talking.

"Patrol went well. I didn't get beat around too badly, so that's good." He stopped to take a bite. "Who knew so many banks could get robbed in one afternoon? There was a mugging, but they quickly left when they saw who it was. Everyone's surprised Spider-Man's still alive, since I was kind of inactive for a few years."

He stopped to swallow and take the last bite of his churro. "Happy and May are...a thing? I'm not sure. It's kind of confusing. Pepper said she and Morgan are gonna come visit you tomorrow."

He stopped again to swallow and pulled the mask fully off his head. "I'm leaving for a class trip to Europe tomorrow. So, I'm not gonna visit for awhile. I promise I'll tell you everything when I get back."

He pulled the mask back over his face, and sighed, putting his hand on the headstone. "I'll see you when I get back, Mr. St-Tony. I know you wanted me to call you Tony. Good bye, Tony."

Peter smiled as he let his fingers brush against the headstone, before walking out of the cemetery, launching a web onto a nearby tree, and started heading home.

Maybe he could finally relax on the trip.


End file.
